Betrothal
Wedding TraditionsIn ancient Israel, betrothal was not merely an engagement — it was a legally binding covenant that made a couple husband and wife in the eyes of the law, even before they lived together.
Historical Background
Jewish betrothal (erusin or kiddushin) was a two-stage process fundamentally different from modern engagements. The first stage — kiddushin (consecration) — was a formal covenant sealed with a payment (mohar, the bride price) and a public declaration. From this moment the woman was legally the man's wife. She was set apart — qadosh — exclusively for him. She could not marry another man. If the groom died, she was a widow. If they separated, a legal divorce was required. The betrothal period typically lasted about one year, during which the couple did not live together. The groom returned to his father's house to prepare a dwelling for his bride. Only when the father declared the preparation complete would the son go to bring his bride home.
How It Was Practised
The betrothal ceremony involved the groom presenting a cup of wine to the bride. If she drank, she accepted the covenant. He would declare: "You are set apart for me according to the law of Moses and Israel." The bride price was paid to the father. A written document (the ketubah) listed the groom's obligations to his bride. Then the waiting began — sometimes a year or more — before the wedding feast (nissuin) completed the marriage.
Biblical Connection
Mary and Joseph's situation in Matthew 1 is only fully understood through this lens. They were betrothed — legally married — which is why Joseph's discovery of Mary's pregnancy required a divorce (Matthew 1:19) and why the angel addresses him as her husband. The New Testament uses betrothal as a picture of the church's relationship with Christ: Paul writes "I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him" (2 Corinthians 11:2). Jesus' words in John 14:2–3 — "I am going to prepare a place for you... I will come back and take you to be with me" — echo the groom returning to his father's house during the betrothal period.
Key Verses
"His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit."
— Matthew 1:18
"I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him."
— 2 Corinthians 11:2
"My Father's house has many rooms... I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me."
— John 14:2–3
Did You Know?
The groom's return for his bride was not announced in advance — the bride had to be ready at all times. This is the background to the parable of the ten virgins (Matthew 25:1–13), who had to be prepared with oil in their lamps because no one knew when the bridegroom would come.